Written by: Briana Wright @misswrighttv
Photo Credit: @wetheurban / @_stormae
About once a month I go down a rabbit hole of doubt about my career. I look at the goals I've set for myself and desperately try to discover why I haven't achieved them yet, despite all the hard work I put in.
I know I have the skill, the talent, the determination and the work ethic. So, why am I not a paid, on-air correspondent yet? Why don't I have 1K subscribers on YT? Why is my hard work not paying off the way I want it to? The way it is for everyone else?
Hopefully, you see the problem already. But if not, know that shortly after these thoughts I start to question myself..."Maybe this isn't the career for me. Well then, what is? How do I know?!" My emotions pummel my thoughts and I feel depressed.
I started noticing that it was a pattern and that's when I outsourced some second opinions. After talking to my close friends, I learned that feeling the need to already be successful & have your life figured out in your 20s is common among this generation.
I also learned that most people are feeling it for the same reasons; a need for instant gratification, comparison to others, pressure from others, and trying to meet unrealistic expectations. With this info, I developed a practice which I plan to implement next time I spiral. Perhaps you could give it a try as well.
FIRST: DROP THE PHONE
Half of the issues listed above (comparison, pressure, unrealistic expectations) are found on social media! When I spoke to others in their 20s, social media was the most common answer as to why we feel the need to be successful already.
I personally have to get better at not comparing myself to others; whether its career related, money related, body goals, whatever. Seeing other's success should not make you feel like, "what are they doing that I'm not?" and if it does, it's a sign to put the phone down and work on yourself.
It could be an IG break for a few hours before bed or deleting the entire app for a month. Whatever you need to do to stop comparing yourself to others because it's important to know that YOUR journey is YOUR'S! Nobody else's! You take away from your own when focused on that of others.
SECOND: LET IT OUT
Putting the phone down is also helpful because it takes away the distraction. Now, you have the chance to sit alone with your thoughts and really address how you're feeling.
You may want to call your therapist, your mom, your partner. You may want to cry, scream, punch a pillow. Maybe even write it down. Whatever method you choose, just GET IT OUT.
Bottling it up buries it, causing it to creep up on you whenever you're triggered again. We want to live a comparison-free lifestyle and go on social media when we feel like it, so let's nip this in the bud now!
THIRD: AFFIRM THE OPPOSITE
Now that all the negative b.s. is out of your system, I want you to LEAVE IT OUT. On that paper, in those tears, wherever they're at. Do away with them. The best way to do that is to affirm the opposite.
Don't go to Pinterest and look for your favorite affirmations. Literally, write AND say the opposite of the negative thoughts you were having about yourself. This will likely be difficult because a part of you could still feel like you're lying to yourself if you say, "I am successful. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."
Because, 5 seconds ago you were crying because you felt like a failure with no purpose. I get it. But f*ck that.
The best time to say these affirmations are these times, when it's the hardest to say them. Repeat it over and over. Write it over and over. Train your brain to not only memorize them but believe in them.
FOURTH: WRITE SOME ACCOMPLISHMENTS
That need for instant gratification is no joke. To the point where you'll even forget about all of the great things that you JUST did because you're upset something you want right now hasn't happened yet.
It's possible to be goal-oriented to a fault and in hindsight, it can come off ungrateful. God, The Universe, Allah, whomever you believe in- blessed you with so much. Some things you were just asking for last year. But none of that matters now because you want something new?
Nah. Cut it out before you block your blessings. You may not realize when you're doing it, and that's why this step is so important. Acknowledge your accomplishments, big and small. Give thanks and recognize how great you are! If you did all that, you KNOW you can accomplish anything else you put your mind to.
FINALLY: POUR INTO YOURSELF
If working towards the goals you just set will brighten your mood, then do that. If you need a change of scenery to change your energy, that works too.
Essentially, whatever makes you happy, motivated, relaxed, DO IT. Some things that worked for me were, reading, going outside (if it's sunny), and editing whatever YouTube video I'm working on.
This final step shouldn't stop within this process. It's about self-care and self-love. Pouring into yourself is vital in realizing your confidence and value. When YOU pour into you, so does the universe.
I encourage you to practice these 5 steps, not just when you're spiraling but as often as you can. Since I've done them, I have felt more confident in myself, my value and my purpose. It has helped me to have more faith than fear; truly letting go of my doubts and letting God handle the rest.
Every day has its own challenges but these steps continue to get me through and I'm confident that they'll do the same for you.