Knowing Your Worth...You Deserve Better!
By: Briana Wright @misswrighttv
Photo Credit: @transparentblackgirl @moule_t @theopeninvite | As an Amazon associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
In a recent vlog, I had an at-home, spa day as a part of my Saturday self-care routine. While I would've much rather been at a real spa, I deserve to save my money AND pamper myself.
So, I whipped out my face mask, nail kit and lap desk and catered to my skin and nails while discussing the importance of KNOWING YOUR WORTH. In addition, I talked about some signs that you need to know your worth a little better and methods to help.
I felt inclined to talk about this because too often, we only encourage people to know their worth when battling relationship issues. I did a lot of self-work last year amidst a break-up and I thought I resolved my problems with my self-worth. It wasn't until I started feeling unappreciated by friends, family and even my job, that I realized there's still work to be done.
Knowing your worth is extremely important because people will treat you in whatever way you allow them to. Moreover, they won't treat you any better than you treat yourself. So, it's important to not only hold others to treating you how you deserve, but hold yourself to that as well.
The biggest sign that I had to work on my self-worth was a pattern of behavior from various people in my life. Temporary people, permanent people, acquaintances and ESPECIALLY men, all exhibited behavior that indicated they weren't afraid of losing me.
There were also expectations placed upon me that I knew wouldn't be held of others, and it made me wonder why...Internally, bad self-talk was another red flag. Consistently talking down to myself, offending myself, etc. And then it hit me- because I beat myself up so much, I'm barely recognizing when others do it! Let's stop that!
After realizing there was a problem where my self-worth was concerned, I implemented these 3 steps and I couldn't be more grateful that I did:
1. OWNING MY PART IN IT
This step is asking yourself, "What am I doing to contribute to this behavior? Why do these people around me feel comfortable treating me this way?" This takes courage and accountability, but it was CRUCIAL in my healing process.
Failing to discover your role in people's mistreatment of you can backfire onto those who are treating you well. Victimizing yourself can easily translate into insecurities; such as feeling like something is wrong with you or you don't deserve to be treated well when that is not the case at all.
Speaking from experience, you take your power back when you can own up to your part in the problem and decide to never do that again. For the record, the problem is never loving, caring, & being who you are. Turning cold will NOT resolve the problem. Do some real digging to see what it is and choose to work on it.
2. MAKING MYSELF LESS AVAILABLE
The reoccurring theme in this self-worth/self-care conversation is SELF. Healing is going to take significant time with yourself, removed from whatever it is that is either mistreating you or serving you.
For those who feel like a doormat, make yourself less available from the people doing the walking all over. And for those who aren't happy with themselves, remove yourself from whatever vice/filler you're turning to and actually work on the problem itself.
This does not mean isolate yourself from the world and shut out your loved ones. Rather, establish healthy boundaries and spend some much-needed time with yourself. Anyone that truly loves you will understand and support you.
Another benefit of making yourself less available is having more time get to know yourself and the problem. Let those feelings out in the most effective way for you! Feel the feelings and bond with yourself. Take a deep internal dive and it'll bring you clarity.
3. FINALLY, DOING THE WORK
In so many words, this is the process of HEALING. It's different for everybody. Some start seeing a therapist, which I highly suggest if you can. Some turn to spirituality which is another great practice.
For me, I've been working on both in addition to reading self-help books. Because finding an affordable therapist has been tricky, I leaned on self-help books in the meantime and it has worked tremendously. I prefer books that give you activities to practice, such as "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.
I also did a lot of writing and finding things that make me happy all over again. The most important aspect of this step is to pour into yourself! Figure out what methods work best for you and dedicate yourself to healing. Put yourself first, treat yourself, express gratitude and affirm that you deserve the best the world has to offer!
Remember, this won't be an overnight process. And much like myself, you may think you're healed and quickly realize there's still work to do and that's okay. What's important is continuing this process after the trauma. Don't wait until your next breakup or layoff to work on yourself. Start now and NEVER stop!